you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
