he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
