You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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