She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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