ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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