Pappa wants mamma naked
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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