I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
