I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
