You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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