Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
