I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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