Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
