I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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