Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
