with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How's work?
Spinning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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