I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
