my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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