You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
