He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am one with the molecules
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
