my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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