woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
