i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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