The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
