He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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