Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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