she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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