If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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