I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
