I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
