Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
