So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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