Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
