He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
