I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
