Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
