you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize