The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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