There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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