so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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