He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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