Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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