question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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