btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
