I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
