I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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