just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm like, not good at living.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
