i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
