I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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