brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
