you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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