in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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