Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
