You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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