I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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