He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
