please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
