he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
