I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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