I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
