toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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