he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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