Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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