No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
