dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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