I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
