How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
