I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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