I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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