I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
one might say we're banned from that church
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
