I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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