I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
