someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
