I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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