is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
