It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
